Pain in the backside

A bumper online raffle featuring an array of amazing prizes will help raise money to give the gift of sport to young people in Peterborough. Signed mini bats from England cricketers Signed cricket bats from England internationals are among the items which can be won when the raffle is held from November 13 to November 23. Other prizes include: A signed football from Peterborough United, a signed men's Essex cricket shirt, a pair of tickets for Winter Festival at Nene Park, family tickets for the Wonder of Christmas at Peterborough Cathedral, free group swimming lessons, a boat ride and several gift cards. Money raised will go exclusively towards Chance to Shine's work in Peterborough. A signed football from Peterborough United The charity works in state schools and under-served communities to deliver best-in-class cricket programmes to young people aged 5 to 24. It wants them to learn a love of the game and to find a sense of belonging, developing their wider wellbeing and help...

In June this year I collapsed at home and was minutes away from dying. My body had shut down because of my anorexia - and it was only the timely intervention of my wife and the speedy work from paramedics which kept me alive. It is a miracle I'm still alive: Naomi was due to be out that day but cancelled her plans and was around when I collapsed. I was meant to be on my way to London in a car - if I had gotten in then I would have died in there. If the paramedics hadn't been on the scene in minutes then it would have been too late. They reckon I was 30 minutes away from not surviving. I have previously documented the reasons on this blog why things reached this stage - including numerous NHS failures, many of which have continued since - but that is not the reason for this post. I have told almost nobody how close I came to dying because I didn't want to share it, not even with my closest friends. But I've come to realise this isn't about me any more, it's abo...

I now weigh seven stone. That's probably not even the size of one of Jack Grealish's calves. The Rock probably eats more than that for breakfast. My recent, Baldrick-esque genius plan was to cut down my food so I could cut down my exercise. But being an anorexic, I've merely cut down my food and not altered my exercise routine, meaning my weight is going down faster than ever.  It should be simple to add the extra calories back in, but I'm too scared of putting on weight to do so. Naomi is brilliant - I've told her what's happening but she just praises for me being so honest rather than lambasting me for putting my health at risk and jeopardising the life we want to have together. And let's be realistic, being this weight means my organs are under so much strain. My latest blood tests are saying as much, but still I cannot get out of this cycle.  I want to expand my diet, but my IBS and chronic pain are so bad right now that doing so would cause me even more...

It's over. Anorexia has won. If this was a boxing contest someone would have thrown in the towel by now. In football terms, it's like Manchester City taking on Macclesfield (or Manchester United). I can't take this torment any more. It's ruined my family life and left me absolutely bereft. How my poor wife deals with it I can't begin to imagine. She just smiles and tells me she loves me even though I feel like I've pretty much abandoned her and my daughter by spending so little time with them. I try to eat more, but all I do is end up exercising more and more, to the extent that I end up doing 2-3 hours on the cross trainer and a walk of at least an hour every day, and even then I still feel like I have energy to burn. This is despite collapsing in bed every day from stomach and nerve pain. This is what anorexia does to you. One day I beat it and I feel proud of myself, but it never lasts. As it gets colder my walks might have to stop because I can't cope in...

What will it take for football to become serious about abuse? Does it need someone to take their own life, or is a mental breakdown enough? Nobody wants sport to become sanitised - there's a reason football is so popular around the world and that's largely because of its immense atmosphere, its fanaticism and the sheer joy when a goal is scored or your team wins. It's amazing how transfixed we can become from something which is actually so insignificant. But surely in this day and age, when we know so much more about mental health, there has to be a point where we say "enough is enough". Harry Maguire I can't be the only person troubled seeing the abuse Harry Maguire has been getting. And yes, I know he is rich, talented and famous, but that doesn't make him a human punchbag for idiots who find it funny to abuse someone they've never met. Maguire's crime seems to be both not getting picked for his club side, but getting picked for his country, almo...