Anorexia v. me - a one-sided contest

It's over. Anorexia has won.

If this was a boxing contest someone would have thrown in the towel by now. In football terms, it's like Manchester City taking on Macclesfield (or Manchester United).

I can't take this torment any more. It's ruined my family life and left me absolutely bereft. How my poor wife deals with it I can't begin to imagine. She just smiles and tells me she loves me even though I feel like I've pretty much abandoned her and my daughter by spending so little time with them.

I try to eat more, but all I do is end up exercising more and more, to the extent that I end up doing 2-3 hours on the cross trainer and a walk of at least an hour every day, and even then I still feel like I have energy to burn. This is despite collapsing in bed every day from stomach and nerve pain.

This is what anorexia does to you. One day I beat it and I feel proud of myself, but it never lasts. As it gets colder my walks might have to stop because I can't cope in the cold, but all that means is I will restrict my food. In fact, even now I'm fighting every day to not massively cut down my calorie intake in the hope it stops me from walking so much. 

I'm a useless husband and father. Granted, I've been terribly ill the last few weeks which is why I've not blogged, but I just want to be on my own, alone with my terrifying thoughts, watching cricket to gain some comfort. It's just so demoralising that everytime I try to reach out and go and live some sort of life my body just rebels. It was a minor miracle I didn't collapse in Morrisons the other day so bad was the pain.

I remember when my chronic pain began more than a decade ago and it was misdiagnosed as a urinary infection. I remember taking antibiotics called Ciprofloxacin which immediately took away all the pain and left me even more hyper than I am now. 

And when I'd finish my batch and the pain came back again, leaving me in agony, I was just given another load to take, not realising that it was just killing all the bacteria in my gut - good and bad. The problem was the bad kept coming back (and not the good) and soon I was developing horrific food intolerances which means today I struggle to eat almost anything other than meat, rice and some veg.

I've discovered that I have SIBO (Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth) which might be why my stomach pain is so unbearable. And I'm hoping to try a new antibiotic soon - albeit one which is less violent and with a program of repopulating my gut with good bacteria.

If I can get the treatment and it works then it could be a lifechanger. If not then I don't know what I will do. All I know is anorexia is so debilitating that I'm just begging for the ref to blow the final whistle so I can leave the pitch for one last time.

Women's health has long been neglected

It was no surprise to read Naga Munchetty's recent testimony about how she had been failed by the NHS for decades over her debilitating periods. Women's health has often been neglected and underfunded, with priority given to illnesses which are believed to affect men more, while males are regularly used more in clinical trials.

It's also been recently revealed that 65% of maternity services in England have been rated as either “inadequate” or “requires improvement” for the safety of care by the Care Quality Commission.

It has to be hoped that greater awareness of these problems drive change, but like so many issues involving women (domestic abuse being one), improvements take a long, long time to come.

Good journalism more crucial than ever

It was noted that the recent David Beckham documentary included a doctored newspaper article to highlight the former footballer's rejection of accusations he had had an affair - rather than the original version which centred on the allegations.

However, the documentary did shine another light on how Beckham and his family were shamelessly treated by the paparazzi and national media. Yes, they courted publicity, but being followed everywhere they went and having their young children photographed was just cruel.

Britney Spears was subjected to the same horrific public examination (not to mention being overly sexualised while still a teenager), and celebrities can't even go and do a food shop without being hounded by sad individuals desperate to make money by selling photographs of them.

Meanwhile, we've had the New York Times row back after claiming Israel was behind the bombing of Gaza’s Al-Ahli hospital (which it strenuously denied), just one of several instances of recent journalism which has gone for speed over accuracy.

Being a journalist was not just a job for me - it was a passion and something I look back on fondly. Its importance now, in this age of disinformation, is more crucial than ever. I only hope future journalists are given the proper training and support which they need and are committed to fact checking and accuracy.

Let's celebrate great sport

Yes, England's defeat to South Africa in the Rugby World Cup was sporting heartbreak, and the cricketers are having a shocker out in India, but isn't it wonderful to be a sporting fan in this country?

The Premier League, for all its many faults, is a wonderful product to watch, spearheaded by two managerial greats in Jurgen Klopp and Pep Guardiola - the latter being a genius and arguably the greatest of all time, not just for his prolific trophy winning but for the influence he has had throughout the footballing pyramid.

We've been treated to a superb Ryder and Solheim Cup, two mesmerising Ashes series, and for at least another few weeks we can lay claim to both World Cups in cricket. Women's sport is also booming, not to mention a football team which routinely qualifies for major tournaments and is filled with world class players.

Sport may be insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but it regularly lifts my mood and provides joy for millions more. We should be grateful for it, despite the shameless sportswashing which is so disgusting to witness.