I can't stop my weight from plummeting - and my body is failing me

I now weigh seven stone. That's probably not even the size of one of Jack Grealish's calves. The Rock probably eats more than that for breakfast.

My recent, Baldrick-esque genius plan was to cut down my food so I could cut down my exercise. But being an anorexic, I've merely cut down my food and not altered my exercise routine, meaning my weight is going down faster than ever. 

It should be simple to add the extra calories back in, but I'm too scared of putting on weight to do so. Naomi is brilliant - I've told her what's happening but she just praises for me being so honest rather than lambasting me for putting my health at risk and jeopardising the life we want to have together.

And let's be realistic, being this weight means my organs are under so much strain. My latest blood tests are saying as much, but still I cannot get out of this cycle. 

I want to expand my diet, but my IBS and chronic pain are so bad right now that doing so would cause me even more anguish and probably make me even more frantic than I already am, so I don't want to do it.

I heard Barbara Streisand the other day say that she was known as the child with no dad, and I'm worried that will be the case with Lizzy. Although I'm hoping that she ends up being famous enough to ring up the chief executive of Apple - as Streisand did - and ask for Siri to start pronouncing her name correctly. That might be useful with the surname 'Lamy'.

I keep believing that there is a good life for me out there, that recovery may be possible.

I still have so many things I want to do and achieve. Without wishing to get all Hugh Grant in Love Actually, I want to travel the world, watch Tiger Woods play a round of golf, complete a work of fiction, improve my Spanish, see the Ashes in Australia, the Masters in Georgia and gamble in Las Vegas.

I want to feel well enough to get back to work, to raise money for good causes, create magical family memories and one day see Lizzy grace the turf of either Lord's, Wembley, Wimbledon or St Andrews. Although if she ends up being a great singer, actress or scientist (or something else) then that's not a bad back-up.

All of that could be possible, if only I could beat this illness and get some respite from my other, long-term, debilitating conditions which are ruining my life. 

Right now that feels a million miles away as I don't even feel well enough to leave the house for more than a short period of time. And I go to bed knowing that I'm putting my family through intolerable stress.

I will try to keep fighting, but it's possible that I could collapse any day now. And my body is so weak that I'm not sure I'd be up again before the count.

Maternity failings are shocking - yet not

A new report by Say No to Bullying in Midwifery has discovered that the lives of mothers and their babies are being put at risk by a “toxic culture” in NHS maternity services.

I say "discovered," but these problems have been well documented for years. There have been repeated scandals in different hospitals, not to mention staffing shortages and a lack of suitable care. This has even included gas and air being removed.

This is so shocking yet nothing appears to have been done. I do wonder if men received such terrible treatment whether action might have been taken by now.

A few thoughts on the Cricket World Cup

The controversy over the timed out dismissal of Angelo Matthews has again shone a spotlight on the 'spirit of the game' as opposed to the laws.

To begin with, I don't understand why there is so much anger over 'Mankading' (running out of the non-striker) where there is a genuine attempt to gain an unfair advantage as opposed to a new batter being a bit slow to be ready at the crease or the Jonny Bairstow dismissal where there was no attempt to gain an edge over the opponents.

I'd also add that there is a much wider issue with slowness of play, so why not have a timer on a big screen to show how long the batter has to be ready, like they did with kicks in the recent Rugby World Cup?

But more than that, it's time for fewer designated drinks breaks (why not have them at a fall of wicket or during a DRS review?) and to have genuine penalties for slow over rates.

The Women's Big Bash is having matches finish in three hours, so it's clearly possible to do it.

I've also been a bit annoyed with all the analysis of why England failed at the tournament. For me, it's not to do with the players being too old or not good enough, or the contract situation.

It's also not to do with not having the best players available for matches since the last World Cup, as few countries have had that luxury, if any.

The issue is not having our best team come together for an uninterrupted run of ODIs ahead of the tournament, like India and Australia did. England's best limited overs players were wasting their time playing The Hundred then only had a three-match series against New Zealand in home conditions to get ready.

The Asian countries had their own mini tournament beforehand, and Australia, for instance, warmed up by playing South Africa then India in India. If England had ignored The Hundred and played some more ODIs in August then maybe we wouldn't have peaked until the last week of the tournament.

Let's enjoy being an England fan

Sometimes it feels as if we don't realise what a good thing we have when it comes to our national football team.

We easily qualify for major tournaments (unlike other major nations), reach the knock-out stages comfortably and possibly have the best two players in the world, not to mention a host of other top players.

Maybe we should just enjoy being an England fan rather than moaning every time we don't blitz opponents. 

I also think football should start trialling orange cards for those borderline decisions where a yellow or red card don't quite feel adequate.

This could see a player be effectively sin-binned for 10 or 20 minutes. I know there is talk of trialling sin-bins for dissent, but I'd widen this scope.

Napoleon's blockbuster life deserves big screen treatment

Although I am wary of historical films due to the numerous inaccuracies they always include, I'm pleased to see Napoleon is going to get a good showing.

For me, he is one of the three most fascinating figures in history (alongside Winston Churchill and Rasputin), although I am biased by my interest in modern history.

His political and military careers are so remarkable, both for their achievements and failures. This is someone who triumphed spectacularly in Europe, abandoned his men in Egypt, tried unsuccessfully to invade England and could have conquered Russia if not for some indecision.

That doesn't include his political reforms at home, his comeback from exile and his role in the French Revolution.

Hopefully the film prompts more interest in Napoleon who gets far less attention than other, less significant figures from history.